ADOLESCENT YEARS

 

In my adolescent years, I had the desire to read the Bible (Word of God) from cover to cover, which I started at age twelve and completed by the age of thirteen. At the time, I kept hearing the words "You can be like Jesus" in my mind, during and after completing the exercise. I remember struggling to acknowledge this thought because it was, in my limited understanding, not mentioned in any biblical teachings, and was not even a perceived ideology within any sphere of the human psyche, and as a Catholic boy I thought that I might be viewed as heretical just because of an involuntary thought, and so I told no-one, ignored it, and forgot about it, believing that it was just a thought that came for no apparent reason even though there was no basis for the thought to be triggered. At the time, my parents were embroiled in an unpleasant relationship that put a lot of strain on the family, and with my limited biblical discernment and the perception that the scriptures elucidated God's forceful imposition of animal sacrifice and the justification of wars between Israel and other nations, I became anti-God and secretly decided to become a self-professed atheist, not that I understood the doctrines of atheism with exception of the belief that God does not exist, which was sufficient for me, because a loving God would not be the source of much pain, suffering, and misunderstanding. 

 

When I turned fifteen years of age, I once again had the desire to read the Bible from cover to cover, which I did, even though I had considered myself an atheist, and once again had the same "Jesus likeness"  thoughts which I ignored completely. I was living with my mother after her separation from my father but was left alone with my younger brother when she departed to Cape Town to be with her boyfriend, where I had to hold onto every opportunity in Johannesburg to fend for myself even though my father's alimony paid for the rent. In the first year of being alone, I took care of my younger brother, but at the end of the year, I sent him by train to be with our mother in Cape Town. This made it easier for me, but the requirement to survive, and therefore work, interfered exceedingly with my schooling activities which saw me involved in numerous problems, where I would be caned "six of the best" twice a week for not attending sports, ignoring my studies, rebellion—as I perceived life to be unfair—and almost expulsion from school. When the school eventually realized that my caning was not fair because of my situation, a friend named Leon van der Nest invited me to go live with his parents until I finished school, but somehow I felt I needed to be alone, I still could not explain the logic that made me feel that way, even today, though staying away from religious people and God may have been my only thought at the time, and I thought Leon to be religious. I would certainly have had a better chance, but as it turned out, I managed to retire at age 43 and so things worked out anyway. I am however very grateful to Leon and will never forget his act of kindness, especially his parent's willingness to assist me, whom I had not even met and who had given permission.

 

I guess there are good and bad religious people, just as there are malevolent and benevolent people of different nationalities, races, cultures, and genders. We cannot point a finger at any group of people without pointing it back at our group or even ourselves. Individuals or groups of people of varying backgrounds and interests have no bearing on spirituality or God's kingdom because spirituality is NOT ABOUT where we came from, our genealogy, our physical problems, our culture, our race,  our intellect, where we live, our physical interests, our empty "good" words, spooks, seances, crystals, energy from the cosmos, or even whom we associate with. In other words, materiality and the flesh of mankind are temporal and thus disappear into the ground, as they say, "dust to dust". Our spirit however is invisible and indestructible and thus lives eternally, therefore it's the condition and intentions of our heart with corresponding actions that have the potential to make us spiritually and physically beneficial to society. Most people or groups portray themselves as outwardly benevolent but many do not have this benevolence entrenched in the heart and are thus inconsistent in their actions, of which I was one.

 

Once again, at the age of nineteen, I had a recurring thought of going into ministry which I could not understand. I shrugged it off by telling myself, I would look at religion after I make a living and am well established.

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CAREER

 

In the early stages of my career, I sometimes heard a voice within me giving advice, such as, "Why are you worried about what people think, just do what you have to", "The solution to this problem is so and so", "why you wasting your time drinking so much". At one stage, I was working for a company called Greatermans Management Services and was given a microfiche programming problem to solve which no one had been able to do over a very long period, I think it was approximately 2 years. I spent the day trying to understand the code which dealt with binary data (zeros and ones) and was very difficult to absorb or piece together, but that same night I was given the answer in a dream, I woke up around 1 am, went to work, and solved the problem. On another occasion, people were asked to solve a design problem for our first barcoding system, but being a programmer I did not have much design experience. However, I got the answer without much of a sweat, and that's how I got promoted to consultant systems designer in the company. 

 

I never knew it was God assisting me, and like most people, I became proud of my achievements to the point that I stopped hearing the voice and hardly had dreams thereafter, until that almost fateful day when my younger daughter drowned. She was sixteen months old which was two months after my 30th birthday. I had been employed by Liberty Life and had just finished a rather difficult project when I had a peculiar dream in which I was preaching the Word of God in a church. This dream perplexed me as I had no desire whatsoever to preach or even go to church. My parents were not church-going people and we stopped our intermittent church-hopping straight after my first communion when I turned eight or nine years old. By the time I was twenty-two years old, I was so anti-God that I only accepted marrying my wife in a Catholic church, as opposed to the court, on the condition that she would never baptize our children. I never taught my children anything about God until that almost fateful day after which I started to learn all sorts of esoteric teachings from various parts of the world in my haste to find God and teach my children.

 

Nevertheless, my career became more important than anything else and somehow I lost all forms of humility to the point that I even tried to get Christians at work to denounce their faith, as I would put it, "People foolishly follow God because they need a crutch and someone or something to blame because of their lack of success in life". I could not stand religion and would do anything to avoid religious people. This I truly regret as I came to find out the truth the hard way.

 

DAUGHTER'S DROWNING

 

It was Saturday the 1st of July 1989, the time of the Durban July Handicap at the Greyville Racecourse in Durban and we were with friends, Robbie and Debbie Voorhout, and had closed the curtains to the backyard to avoid the sun as the glare on the television set was quite strong. My wife, Zeza, was in the kitchen cooking and I was drinking and watching the preliminary horse races with Robbie and Debbie. My older daughter, Gisela, was in the room but I noticed that my younger daughter, Nicole, was nowhere to be seen. I called out to my wife to ask if she had seen Nicole, to which she answered in the negative. I peeped through the curtain and noticed that the gardener had left the swimming pool gate open, I, therefore, rushed to the pool to inspect and saw my daughter sinking just below the surface. I dived into the pool and pulled her out turning her upside down hoping to get the water out of her lungs as I walked to the edge. Her skin colour had become blue as the winter cold had reduced the water temperature considerably, and she had no pulse, which I tested on her neck, temple, wrist, and forehead.

 

I laid my daughter on the ground and started breathing into her and pumping her heart and was very aware of my wife's desperation as she cried out while I was trying to resuscitate our daughter. Robbie rushed to assist me in pumping while I did mouth-to-mouth. After almost two minutes of breathing and pumping, I realized it was futile and gave up, however, as I gave up and was about to stand up, I heard a very clear voice within me say, "Don't give up", so I carried on, but now I was desperately hopeful and I started blowing more strongly into her mouth but reduced the pressure when I saw her left eye bulge. I prayed within myself for the first time since I was thirteen as I did mouth-to-mouth and asked, "God if you exist, give my daughter life and I will give you my life". I was hoping that the voice I heard was God's. As I was asking for this, my daughter expelled all the water into my face. The ambulance arrived quite quickly, so my wife accompanied my daughter in the ambulance while I followed her by car. In the ambulance, the paramedics tested my daughter and measured her temperature. They told my wife that they were amazed that my daughter had the temperature of a dead person but was walking around as if nothing had happened. My wife did not mention this to me until I became a Christian 15 years later because she did not think it was important, I therefore remained an atheist but my thoughts were hurriedly trying to understand what happened, and the belief in God as a personality was getting stronger as I could not logically explain anything, especially the voice I had heard. 

 

At the hospital, they told us that she was fine but would stay overnight for observation, but not before we were questioned by three different doctors as to the events of the day, to the point that I started feeling that they did not believe us, but fortunately, we had Robbie and his wife as witnesses, otherwise, I think we would end up with a potential criminal case being opened against us. The reason, I believe, for their doubt, was that they could not find a single trace of water in my daughter's lungs, sinuses, or air passages, so they suspected some other type of foul play. Nevertheless, all is well that ends well, but I never told a soul about what I had heard and prayed, I merely told people that the mouth-to-mouth resuscitation had worked, whilst secretly looking into ways of finding God. I am the type of person who needs to prove things before diving into the mud or an empty pool, which can be my undoing. 

 

SEARCH FOR GOD

 

The search for God was long and arduous as I looked in every religion that I identified, amongst other cultish or new-age types of practices. However, I ignored Christianity because I thought I knew enough based on the negative experiences of my parents and from reading the scriptures in the past. Boy oh boy, did I misunderstand the scriptures? Most people do, even seasoned pastors and their congregants misinterpret them. There is always some truth that comes through, but to understand based on God's thinking and not ours takes a lot more dedication. We need to ignore our past teachings, feelings and desires to truly acquire an objective view of the truth. We cannot make it personal if we are to be truthful and examine things correctly. Too often we allow our ego, previously acquired knowledge, personal desires, greed, lusts, and views emanating from pride to manipulate what the scriptures are saying because we allow the carnal mind to control us. That is why God said to me, "I want you to die to self" as a portion of the mandate He gave me, which ties in with what Paul says in Galatians 2:19, "For I through the law am dead to the law, that I might live unto God. I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless, I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness comes by the law, then Christ is dead in vain.". There are two issues most Christians and others miss, 1) trying to fulfill the laws or doing good deeds through our ability, and 2) trying to live by our ability to demonstrate faith, which I used to call mind over matter, ESP, or any other alternative method that makes us think that we can train our mind to get what we want. Little did I know that the evil spirit world is more sinister in us than we think.

 

1. Our self-righteousness and benevolence through the outward demonstration of good deeds to be seen as lawful and upright in the eyes of others is actually pushing us away from God as we ignorantly take all the glory upon ourselves when it's the spirit God placed in us, and His grace, that gives us the ability to do what's right. I only found this in the true Christian way of life, and to my understanding, based on reading other religious scriptures, no other religion teaches this concept. 

2. Whether Christian or not, people are always trying to exercise their faith through the power of the mind when it's God who places faith in our human spirit, and the increase or confidence of our faith in Christ comes through reading and studying the Word with action. Hebrews 12:1-2 states that it is Jesus Who is the author (starter/originator) and the finisher (completion/concluder) of our faith, meaning that he directs our steps to receive the necessary faith for our spiritual development where trials and tribulations play a large role. We must reject anything that goes against the Word of God if we want our faith to increase in the right direction based on God's will and not allow our mental and emotional preferences to dominate our minds. We attract all kinds of spirits when we do it via our faith because what we have faith in is what we attract, and if that faith is not from God or not based on God's Word, then we get what is associated with that faith. For example, if I have benevolent thoughts such as love, joy, and peace, I attract the spirit of God (good), however, if I have corrupt thoughts such as hate, retaliation, and jealousy, I attract the spirit of the Devil (evil).

 

To live by Jesus Christ's faith is to give up trying to be good or to do good deeds so that others can be impressed by our acts of righteousness. Trying to do good is in itself very hard work and is therefore a curse because we cannot keep up the good works which can only be achieved by the spirit of God when we are born again.  

 

However, Paul also says that "all things are lawful but not all things edify" in 1 Corinthians 10:23. In other words, God allows us to do all things, however, the choices we make might not get us to the destiny we desire in God's Kingdom because not all things edify, so where we spend our time is key if we want to experience the Kingdom of God. Having said that, it does not mean that I cannot do anything that I enjoy, but it does mean that if I want to live like Jesus Christ to help others, I must die to my type of life and take up His type of life. It's only through the Holy Spirit that we can achieve this as He empowers us through love. The reality, however, is whether our minds and the carnal pleasures of material life will be overcome to successfully chase this goal. It is a choice we have to make, God does not force it on us but He does call some people to that life because He knows what spirit He put in people.

 

In my search for God, I found some religions or spiritual practices easy to eliminate as they are contradictory to logical reasoning, where unintelligible physical objects are seen as spiritually energized, or rendered as useful for certain spiritual practices. All objects have a form of energy from their protons and electrons but are dumb objects as they do not have spirit, intellect, understanding, wisdom, and power, which is what spirituality is about. Therefore only people and animals that have thoughts, desires, and feelings can be considered spiritual although the measure of spirituality God gave animals is very basic and therefore limited to their survival in the physical world. Human beings however are highly spiritual as they have been made in God's image and have reasoning ability to improve life, and can also contact God.

 

I looked for God in most religions, also in New Age, Reiki, and other esoteric writings, and in the end, I attracted an ex-Christian who had given his life to Satan. He told me the truth about Jesus but was covertly trying to preach a legalistic Jesus to get me trapped in his network of Satanic followers. I realized that God could only bring me to Christianity in this fashion as I had rejected every Christian person in my life after the age of 13. Nevertheless, when I reread the Bible and started to realize the truth I heard God saying to me, "You tried every religion, now try Christianity".

 

This person became a problem in my life and I realized he was trying to use my daughters and wife for his own purposes and to come against me. He succeeded because we were novices at that point and religion of the law kept the family struggling in legalism which is what Satan wants. I wanted to get my daughters out of the legalistic church but they were already entrenched in when false prophesies were given to them as being future wives to 2 people in the church, i.e.: the pastor's son and his best friend.

 

When I became a Christian again, I started realizing that many people understood that to walk like Jesus is a desire that God has for all His people and I no longer have a problem with confessing this. The Holy Spirit asked me when I thought I had been called, I told Him that it was when my daughter drowned but He said, "No! It was when I first got you to read the Bible". I now understand that what we do is based on what God tells us or what other spirits we accept tell us because the body has no ability of its own, 

 

BELIEVER'S LIFE

 

To remain a believer, I needed confirmation of a few things and asked God the following questions:

 

1.  Why did You choose Jews?
2.  Show me anywhere in the Bible that it is not You that kills and destroys.
3. Why did Krishna, Buddha, and others appear before Jesus?

 

These are the answers I received:

 

1. I did not choose Jews but a man of faith in Abraham. They became Jews after that.
2. God did not give me a verbal answer on this, but when I was reading through the Bible on my first pass, I immediately tied up 2 Samuel 24:1 and 1 Chronicles 21:1. 2 Samuel 24:1 says that the Lord enticed David to number Israel, but 1 Chronicles 21:1 says that Satan provoked David to number Israel, and because of this, a plague came upon Isreal because of David's decision. In other words, God does not point a finger at Satan for deceiving people as God is sovereign and can do anything, including allowing his people to be tested, i.e.: people need to discern based on God's Word and act accordingly otherwise we open the door to Satan to do his will.
3. Melchizedek first preached Christ to Abraham when they broke bread which was before Buddha and other so-called Christs. In my mind, this meant that the gospel had been preached to other nations because of the meeting between Abraham and Melchizedek, and alternatively the cultic spirit world heard this and fooled people in other religions into believing in certain people as the Messiah/Christ/anointed one, and there are many.

 

As a Christian, I suffered many years of feeling the devil attack me with knife stabs and hot iron branding every time I prayed. These manifestations eventually disappeared as I got more and more into the Word of God but I never got physically marred by these stabbings or brandings. Today, other forms of attack have continued where the devil is trying to kill me, told me so, and I saw him for a few seconds while he was taking a swipe at me, i.e. God opened my eyes to see him, or he tried to manifest himself to hurt me but his arm went right through me. He is extremely furious with me because he thought he had me in the palm of his hand while I was looking for God in other religions and cults, and also because I have now turned to the true God. I have, and still renounce everything I have ever done outside the Word of God. It was only after a long time in Christianity that I learned that the church's prayer of salvation does not save us merely because we repeat some words. We must speak the words, but sincerely from the heart otherwise, the prayer is in vain. We will realise that we are truly saved when we start to feel the presence of the Holy Spirit, receive gifts such as tongues or healing, or hear God's voice. We will notice a change of attitude in our lives and a desire not to sin though we may sin in weakness.

 

Three years into my Christianity I felt the light of God emanating from my heart in all directions. I could feel the rays permeating through my head, groin, back, front, sides. I walked for three days in a wonderful environment of love, joy, and peace and nothing could make me angry or worried. I desire that this will return to me once again. 

 

Soon after this, I was caught up in a different realm as I was lying in bed thinking of Jesus Christ. As I was lying in bed I felt power all around me, almost like electricity, and suddenly I was somewhere else and saw myself sitting at a desk through an arch and a hand pointing towards me at the desk. The voice said, "Jorge, I want you to read the Bible like a spy would read his instruction booklet for a mission and then discard it so that it is not caught in his possession. In other words, know it very well. If however instructions change, the spy would have to phone in for the new instructions. In your case, if you do not know something, you must merely ask me,". This does not mean that I throw the Bible away, but rather that I must know the Word of God absolutely, to the point of not needing to access it at all times. I was then suddenly in another place and saw a wall with a door and I heard the voice say, "The door represents your mind and you need to open the door so that you can have access to the spirit". Suddenly the door opened and I saw what appeared like clouds and light come through the door. I then found myself in bed in the same position I was in before the power hit me. I knew it was not a dream, but also knew that I didn't fall asleep, and knew that I was caught up in a realm where God showed me what to do. From this, I knew for sure that heaven is all around us and that God can get us spiritually there whenever He desires. 

 

After considering what I experienced, I realized that I had to get the Word of God into my mind and heart and eliminate all that I had learned before. The two incidents are linked, where the first was instructing me to know the Word and the second was me opening my mind to the Word (represented by the opening of the door), and removing everything that I knew (represented by the closed door). In this way, the spirit of God would flow through me. The Word unlocks that faith God placed in us and God is only pleased by faith.